Wow, it’s been 10 years since I gave birth to my oldest son. Today, I just wanted to take a moment to reflect on 10 things that I’ve learned from 10 years of Motherhood. This is just scratching the surface and I am ever-evolving thanks to these three.
I hope these things contribute something to your life & journey whether you have children or not.
1. Your children are not yours – Your children are small humans who chose you as a mentor, lover, guide and care-taker. They are not clones of you, your property or your stress relief. They are Gods, reincarnated. Treat them as such.
2. Our children are a reflection of us – Sometimes, we’re quick to reprimand, chastise and judge our children, when in reality, they are simply a reflection of us. When you see something in your child that you don’t enjoy – stop, reflect and change that thing in yourself. They learn from us.
3. You are there to provide and educate – Our jobs as parents is simply to provide our children with the tools to be healthy, happy, kind, loving functioning humans who know how to navigate this world, make it a better place and create something impactful. You are not there to manipulate, beat or scold your children. They are humans. Provide them with the tools, resources and a safe environment for them to grow and guess what, they will!
4. Children understand more than we think – Children most often know things just from being in the same space as their parents. It’s in their ancestral DNA. They don’t need to be institutionalized, judged or tested to be extremely intelligent. They can learn from simply existing, exploring, asking questions (which they do a lot of naturally) and from you explaining what it is they need to know. All of our children have been homeschooled since birth and they are all brilliant and way ahead of their “grade” levels.
5. They are individuals – They do not need to be you, they do not need to be “better than you, they do not need to live up to your standards. You children are teachers in their own right. You are here simply to provide a safe, healthy environment for them to thrive, feel & be free, explore, learn and grow. They will be the best versions of themselves if you simply allow them to do so.
5. Children teach us true unconditional love and forgiveness – Children don’t hold grudges, they don’t punish you for your traumas, they don’t judge you for being. They simply love you. They sense when you’re sad and they give you more love, even when you are not showing up as your best self. Give them that same courtesy.
6. Children require presence – I’ve been an entrepreneur for over 10 years. My children have forced me to be present, take breaks and slow down. Even when it feels inconvenient, even when I’m frustrated, even when I think I need to rush. My children show me that nothing really matters outside of them (and myself) and that everyone else can seriously wait. I don’t get this time back with them, they are constantly growing. Even in the middle of writing this, I had to stop and get grapes for my daughter lol.
7. Stop punishing children for feeling – Often, we rush to tell our children not to cry, not to get upset, not to freak out – instead of acknowledging their feelings and emotions. *stopping to make the birthday boy some tea as he requested, BRB* Our children will grow into incredible adults when they are emotionally mature – this means we need to support and encourage their feelings and teach them how to articulate what it is that they are feeling so that they can move through it with ease and grace.
8. Apologize when you’re wrong – Teach your children how to accept responsibility and acknowledge when they are wrong by showing them yourself. This shows them that although we may not be perfect, we can learn from and grow from our mis-steps. We can heal together. Genuine apologies also shows that you care.
9. Be the example – Always focus on growing, loving, healing and learning – your children will follow suit and they will often lead the way. Explain to them why you do what you do. Don’t keep secrets – they are mature enough to understand most things – break it down and show them the way! When you’re honest with them, they will be honest with you.
10. Release ego – Children are pure and have no ill intentions unless you teach them such. Don’t project your perverted brain onto them. Don’t take things personally. Love them unconditionally and give them the space to be their true, great, incredibly fun, funky , quirky selves.
* Bonus – Love on them fearlessly. It’s never too late to change. Show up and try harder. This is the period that determines who they will be and how they will navigate this earth as adults. We have enough broken, traumatized & sad humans walking around – let’s shift and create the Nu earth.
I love you.
The next cycle of rebirthing has begun. Grateful for this life.